When to Make Cemetery Arrangements

When should you make your arrangements at the cemetery? The answer is different for each person. Here is one story.

You might recognize Mary Uhler as the long-time editor of the Madison Catholic Herald. That is how I got to know her. And I saw her headstone at the cemetery, so I knew she had made her plans ahead of time. She recently spoke with me about her experience.

Mary’s father died rather suddenly many years ago, and it fell to Mary to help her mother make all the arrangements – nothing had been planned in advance. Then in 2012, there were a number of deaths in Mary’s family, and she and her husband John were involved in taking care of arrangements. Some family members had very well-organized plans, and they appreciated what a gift those plans are for the family. After that experience, Mary and John decided to put their plans in place so that their kids would not have to make so many decisions in the midst of grief.

Sometimes health scares are the driver for making cemetery plans, but that was not the case for Mary and John. Later on, when they experienced an alarming medical crisis, they were glad to have plans already in place. But with great medical care and lots of prayers, the plans weren’t needed at that time.

Though Mary and John both have family buried in La Crosse, they don’t have close family living there anymore, but they have been in Madison long enough that choosing Resurrection Cemetery made sense. Resurrection Cemetery is one of four diocesan cemeteries, and serves all the parishes in Madison, as well as St. Bernard in Middleton, Immaculate Heart of Mary in Monona, and Christ the King in McFarland.

Making an appointment at the cemetery was easy. Mary and John were pleasantly surprised to find grave space available – an above-ground mausoleum crypt was a distant second preference for them, but given how old Resurrection Cemetery is, they were not sure they would find grave space available. As it turns out, today there is still enough grave space left at Resurrection Cemetery in Madison for the next several decades.

When it came to purchasing a headstone, there was another surprise: there was a headstone promotion going on at the time. Working with cemetery staff, they designed a striking black granite monument. She and John are both members of The Equestrian Order of the Holy Sepulchre of Jerusalem and were pleased with how the Order’s emblem – the Jerusalem Cross – turned out. They also incorporated a reference to their La Crosse roots.

Once the Uhler headstone was installed, friends from their parish saw it and remarked that they would eventually be “neighbors”, since their friends had graves close by. That’s how it is supposed to be at the cemetery – these are the people who were in the next pew, and now they are in the next row, waiting for Jesus’ return.

Besides cemetery plans, Mary and John made funeral plans, picking out readings and music and putting their choices on file with their parish. Both are members of a Bible study at their parish, and their broader familiarity with Scripture helped as they selected readings.

Once their plans were all in place, they made sure all their children knew where the plans were kept, how to access them in time of need, and the general outlines of what they wanted.

There are many other life circumstances that lead others to make their arrangements at the cemetery. Sometimes they are coming straight from a doctor’s office after receiving bad news. Other times, they have recently retired, or their youngest child has graduated from college. Often, making cemetery plans is part of a comprehensive estate planning project that includes writing a will.

 But whatever your situation, pre-planning your cemetery arrangements when you are reasonably healthy and sound of mind is a kindness to those who will have the responsibility of burying you.

Damian Lenshek is Director of Cemeteries for the Diocese of Madison. He can be reached at [email protected]. For more information about diocesan cemeteries, see www.madisondiocese.org/cemeteries. For parish cemeteries, call the parish office or the number listed in the parish bulletin. 

This article first appeared in the Catholic Herald on May 23, 2024.